I want to wake up outside

I’ve been having some random daydreams and thoughts when I think back on all I’ve experienced this year. Some are a little dramatic, and may seem a little cheesy, even, but they make me feel relaxed, so I try to just let them take over my mind for a while.

It can feel as if there is a gentle song playing in my ears, and I can let these daydreams run away with my attention. Those dreams land me in a mystical place where I always belong. It’s so comfortable.

This one started with the word “want.” Oh, want, want, want…

I don’t want money. I want shelter, food and water.

I don’t want diamonds. I want winking stars and moonlight.

I don’t want a bouquet of cut long-stem roses. I want wildflowers growing along the edge of a path, leading me somewhere. Anywhere.

I don’t want the biggest, latest plasma tv. I want a series of vistas that I work hard to see and stories of what I encountered to get there.

I don’t want a big, cushy recliner. I want the perfect rock to lean against, a divet in the dirt that fits my butt just right and maybe an old decaying log to prop my feet up on.

I don’t want make-up and perfume. I want dirt under my fingernails and the scent of pine, sage and an occasional patch of wild blueberries swirling around me.

I don’t want expensive, aged wine. I want to dip an overly-used bottle into a crisply cold mountain stream or trickling spring.

I don’t want cars and the hum of city life. I want crickets, birds, frogs, wind in the leaves, footsteps on the earth and the silence of the forest.

I don’t want schedules. I want simple. I want what’s there. What’s always been there. It’s simple and it’s all natural. It’s reliable. It’s peaceful, private, and personal. It’s a place to melt every sense I have into one giant organic orb of being. To just be.

I want to be outside. I miss it… I miss being outside. Every day. All day. Moving, seeing, experiencing, struggling, loving, feeling, being as alive as I can feel in the most naturally comfortable way possible.

I don’t want to sleep indoors ever again. I want to feel a bite from the cold air on my face after I peek outside from the warmth of my sleeping bag. Every single day. I want to wake in the darkness of early morning, stars still twinkling above. I want to walk, silently and carefully as the natural light slowly brings my path into view. I want to watch the sky wake up with me in pastel colors and diminishing shadows. I want light breezes to carry me along when I feel tired. I want the flowers to smile at me and the mountains to invite me in. I want to climb into their mysteriousness – to immerse myself in their beautiful secrets. I want to surround myself with the air of desolate nature.

Every single day, I want to wake up outside.

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Tonight I love knowing what that daydream feels like. I feel incredibly thankful for that.

Thanks for reading and being a part of my journey!

With love,
Toots Magoots
(Robin Grapa)