I want to wake up outside

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I’ve been having some random daydreams and thoughts when I think back on all I’ve experienced this year. Some are a little dramatic, and may seem a little cheesy, even, but they make me feel relaxed, so I try to just let them take over my mind for a while.

It can feel as if there is a gentle song playing in my ears, and I can let these daydreams run away with my attention. Those dreams land me in a mystical place where I always belong. It’s so comfortable.

This one started with the word “want.” Oh, want, want, want…

I don’t want money. I want shelter, food and water.

I don’t want diamonds. I want winking stars and moonlight.

I don’t want a bouquet of cut long-stem roses. I want wildflowers growing along the edge of a path, leading me somewhere. Anywhere.

I don’t want the biggest, latest plasma tv. I want a series of vistas that I work hard to see and stories of what I encountered to get there.

I don’t want a big, cushy recliner. I want the perfect rock to lean against, a divet in the dirt that fits my butt just right and maybe an old decaying log to prop my feet up on.

I don’t want make-up and perfume. I want dirt under my fingernails and the scent of pine, sage and an occasional patch of wild blueberries swirling around me.

I don’t want expensive, aged wine. I want to dip an overly-used bottle into a crisply cold mountain stream or trickling spring.

I don’t want cars and the hum of city life. I want crickets, birds, frogs, wind in the leaves, footsteps on the earth and the silence of the forest.

I don’t want schedules. I want simple. I want what’s there. What’s always been there. It’s simple and it’s all natural. It’s reliable. It’s peaceful, private, and personal. It’s a place to melt every sense I have into one giant organic orb of being. To just be.

I want to be outside. I miss it… I miss being outside. Every day. All day. Moving, seeing, experiencing, struggling, loving, feeling, being as alive as I can feel in the most naturally comfortable way possible.

I don’t want to sleep indoors ever again. I want to feel a bite from the cold air on my face after I peek outside from the warmth of my sleeping bag. Every single day. I want to wake in the darkness of early morning, stars still twinkling above. I want to walk, silently and carefully as the natural light slowly brings my path into view. I want to watch the sky wake up with me in pastel colors and diminishing shadows. I want light breezes to carry me along when I feel tired. I want the flowers to smile at me and the mountains to invite me in. I want to climb into their mysteriousness – to immerse myself in their beautiful secrets. I want to surround myself with the air of desolate nature.

Every single day, I want to wake up outside.


Tonight I love knowing what that daydream feels like. I feel incredibly thankful for that.

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Thanks for reading and being a part of my journey!

With love,
Toots Magoots
(Robin Grapa)

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13 thoughts on “I want to wake up outside

  1. A great post. I’m envious because you only know what you truly want/need because you’ve aleady experienced it. It’s a launching point for your next journey while the rest of us are using you for inspiration to start ours. Keep on dreaming!

  2. You inspired me to do something today I’ve wanted to do for a while, and found your post tonight very fitting. I’ve seen so many amazing early morning trail photos you’ve taken, more specifically, the inspiring Mt. Whitney sunrise you experienced. I wanted to see for myself what it would be like to watch a sunrise from a summit, so I chose Saddle Mountain here in Oregon. It was a little scary hiking in the deep darkness in the middle of absolutely nowhere, but watching that sunrise was so worth it! It was stunning. (If you’re curious, you can click on my avatar to see pictures of today’s hike.) Anyway, I know what you mean about how alive being outdoors makes you feel. Thank you for inspiring me to experience something I hadn’t yet, fears and all. It was the most alive I’ve felt since… maybe ever.

    You always end your posts thanking us for being a part of your journey, but suffice to say, you’ve also become part of ours. Thank you.

  3. Thank YOU for shaing with US. This was so beautifully written. I can relate to these words. I wish for the best for you in your next adventure.

  4. I can see Hallmark putting those paragraphs in a card. Along with all you’ve shared of your journey on the pct, you have a real talent for writing.

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