It was a tough week. Adam and I both had mini breakdowns and decided we were feeling burned out and in need of some sort of break. At least just a little more than our schedule and the weather has been allowing us.
This week started with a detour to avoid a two-feet-of-snow storm in the Sierra that we didn’t want to drive through. We drove west to Salt Lake City on our normal I-80 route, then south on I-15 to Vegas and past the Pacific Crest Trail in Tehachapi. Again, sadly, we couldn’t hang out. One of these times we’ll have a few spare minutes and I’ll jump on the trail for a short jaunt. Ahh, anyway… we were there in the wee hours of the morning and already on a tight schedule because of the Sierra detour. We did end up stopping close by at a truck stop for almost three hours due to 80 mph winds. When the winds stopped rocking our parked truck violently from side to side and we finally got going, I saw a truck that had tipped over and dumped their load of tomatoes on the road. We were late for our first appointment that morning, but glad we waited… and glad we didn’t tip over, too.
Somewhere in these first few days I slipped into a mini-depression relapse. I was a total mess, crying for no reason, then crying for big reasons all blown out of proportion, then not really caring, to feeling hopeless, and letting social media somehow exacerbate it all, piss me off and eventually forcing me to get a grip and spill my guts out to poor Adam, stay the hell away from all the negativity on Facebook while sadly missing all the fun stuff, even though that was all making me more sad while I felt sorry for myself because I wasn’t seeing my friends and family enough and wanting to pack a few things in a bag and run away into the woods where I needed so very desperately to be, all because I was over-tired, burned out and depressive. And somehow a giant run-on sentence feels like the best way to describe those painful days. It was ugly. And it’s hard to admit, but I’m still not complety over it. Unfortunately. It’s a viscous cycle I’m working on jumping out of before it takes over. But I’m at least feeling normal again, and things are feeling way better – so those that love me, don’t worry. I’m okay. It just feels good to get some of this crap off my chest, ya’ know?
Our third and last delivery took too long. They were behind and we ended up waiting for two hours – even though I was a half hour early for this one – and this hold-up made us a half hour late for our pick up, which was an hour’s drive away.
Know what happens then? Your noon pick up turns into a 4pm pick up because all the other trucks get in before you so they still get in closer to their appointment time. While it makes sense, it’s super frustrating when it wasn’t any fault of your own and you end up feeling punished for it. After being loaded (we were literally the last truck there), Adam scaled, slid tandems, scaled again, and finally drove 20 miles up the road for a better scale – and we finally got going after probably 6:00. A long day.
On the way back towards home we took another detour route to avoid “potent storms” in Wyoming. Our new route’s forecast looked dry and perfect. It lied to us. When Adam woke up to get ready for his shift, he opened the bunk curtain to see giant snowflakes splattering into our windshield as I drove along. It was the straw the broke the camel’s back. He fell apart. We just held on for each other as best we could this week while the other had their tantrums. I’m thankful we’re together out here and can be here for each other. This is much harder when we’re miles apart. We’ve been there and done that plenty!
So now we’re home finishing up some needed time off – just enough for errands, a dinner date, a little shopping and a movie. Our spirits have lifted after getting these things done, receiving a little encouragement from our driver manager, and now we’re hitting the road again with hopes for decent roads and, well, just an on-schedule, smooth run… off we go.
To stay sort of sane, I took a lot of photos this week. I played with a few of them in my Instagram* app, but only posted one. What a weird week for me. Anyway, here’s this week’s scenes in photos:
*if you’d like to follow me on Instagram, search for _toots_magoots_
Tonight I love journaling. Sometimes it feels like it’s all you’ve got. Even though that’s never true, it’s a small comfort in tough times.