Of life and satisfaction.

Rachel and I have had the discussion a few times about how difficult it is to put into words and express how excited we are to have seen the opportunity to tackle the Pacific Crest Trail and actually make it a reality. I want to spill these exciting feelings I have all over this blog so you can all see it and soak some of it up. I want to share it and I want to spread it around, and the only way I can think to do that is to just let it bust out. At least try, a little bit. I don’t have it figured out, and not sure I ever will. It’s going to be a cluster of thoughts and excitement, I warn you. :)

I feel weird when all I write about is me and what I’m feeling, but this is what this post is about. It’s pretty much what this blog is about. I write about me and my experiences, and the number one reason I write is for me to remember later. Because the memory I have has never been something I can really trust. The second reason I write is because I’ve had people tell me they enjoy following my journeys. This motivates me to keep writing, so I can’t tell you how thankful I am for that support – because by following my journey, you are in a way helping me remember my past! Pretty trippy, hey!?

Anyway, this post is going to be all about me today, and I’m going to try to not be shy about it. Let me start by saying that I’M GOING TO THRU-HIKE THE PACIFIC CREST TRAIL! I know you already know that, but I feel the need to scream and shout a little! I am really doing it!! I’m finally going to do another big hike!

I’m going to be one of those people that leave their 10-year office job – something so many dream of doing – and I’m going to do it. I’m going to jump off of this beaten path… this busy highway in life that I’ve never felt comfortable taking. I’m going to be happily homeless and jobless for a little while, and living a life of excitement and adventure. I don’t know for sure if the plan will work, but it doesn’t matter. Want to know why? Because I’m excited about not knowing. Either way, I’ll adjust. I’ll make it work. I’ll do what I have to do to get done what I have to get done… just like I always have. This all started with a plan my husband and I made, so we’re going to be sharing in this adventure together, we’re going to make it work together, and that is probably my very favorite thing about all of this. I feel lucky to have such awesome people in my life to make this all so much better. My #1, Adam; also Rachel, my bestest hiking buddy; my parents, family, friends; my readers… They (you) are all amazing. I feel happy. I feel brave, strong and ready. I’ve got a lot of good on my side. What is there really to fear?

I’ve daydreamed about doing something like this just about every single day, and most of those daydreams happened in a cubicle, at my desk – where I’ve spent most of my daytime in the past 10 years – how’s that for perspective! Yikes! For the last year, I played out in my head how I’d tell people of my plans, hoping they’d accept them. I’ve thought about how I’d give notice at work. I thought about taking breaks in the hot sun on a dusty trail. Climbing switchbacks up mountains. I thought about setting out that first day in the car with Adam. I’d look at him and smile, he’d smile back, and we’d drive away.

We’d drive away, but we’re not running from anything. We’re chasing dreams. Ever heard the song “Nature’s Law” by Embrace?

“You can run all your life, all mine I will chase.” (Embrace)

It’s one of my favorite songs, and one of those inspirational songs that have motivated me to keep trying to make something happen. I knew it would happen, eventually. Well, that time has come. It’s here, it’s real, and I’m more than ready. It’s running through my veins. It’s fueling my smile, and it’s making me glow.

The coolest part of all is that this isn’t it. I’ve got so much more than thru-hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. I’ve got today. Today is a good day. Tomorrow will be, too. And every day after that.

I love the fact that my biggest problems in life right now are all the things I want to do, and I’m not sure if I’ll have the time to do all of them. Here’s a quote that I love:

david_allen_quote

I wish I could say this isn’t true. I wish I could say that I can, in fact, do everything — and that you can just watch my stubborn ass do it. But I can’t. It is the one reality I need to remind myself of. It doesn’t stop me from doing anything I want to do, but it does stop me from feeling totally and completely overwhelmed with the opportunities that this life holds for me. There are too many things I can do, and simply just too many options. I’m not giving up on climbing Mt. Everest someday. It will always be on my list. I just have to always adjust for the “now.” I can thru-hike the Pacific Crest Trail now. One thing at a time, Robin. Focus. Try to focus.

Even when I’m out hiking and happy as I can be, I’ll still look across that mountain valley and see a beautiful mountain peak on the other side. I’ll be standing on an incredible trail with a breathtaking view, a breeze blowing across my face, the sun shining down on me, the giggle of friends coming up behind me, and what do I think? “I’d sure love to walk across that valley and climb that other mountain.” Then I turn my head and look back down the trail in front of me. “But I have to get over there, which is also cool.” Then I turn my head back to the other mountain across the valley, “But I’d still really love to climb that mountain, too. Maybe I will someday.”

And that’s what I mean. You could say I’m never going to be satisfied, and that’s the truth – but that doesn’t make me sad, and it doesn’t mean I’m not loving the moment I’m in. In fact, I’m learning more and more every day to embrace this “never satisfied” sensation. It’s what makes me… me. And you know what? I love that. There’s always going to be another mountain to climb. Always. That is a fact, and how can that NOT be exciting!

I think my biggest fear in life is feeling stuck. I never want to feel like I’m spinning my wheels and not moving forward. I have no regrets with anything I’ve been doing or have done in my past. I worked 10 years in an office and met some incredible people, doing something I really enjoyed. That was a great part of my life, and it helped me figure out what more I can do – it fueled me to work towards something more. Everything is a part of something, and I just finally took the chance to make a new, bold move so it could actually become something.

So here I go. I’m going to run as fast as I can, chasing satisfaction, knowing I’ll never catch it, arms flailing in the air, zigzagging back and forth, laughing hysterically, and never running out of steam because I have so much excitement built up in me. Momentum. My goal in life is to keep that going…

…even on my last day when my last words will be “I can’t wait to see what’s next.”

Let’s go. Let’s do this.

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